from Peaceful Living
by Mary Mackenzie

Day 300: Creating Joy in Our Lives

Compassionate Communication values the concept of only doing things that bring us joy. Sometimes when people first learn this concept, they take this literally and say things like, “I’ll attend the meeting if I feel joy about it at the time.” Or “I know we had plans but I just didn’t feel joy about going once the time arrived.”

When people say things like this, or act in this manner, they are missing a key aspect of Compassionate Communication: the importance of valuing everyone’s needs equally.

I can feel joy if I follow through with my plans to meet my own need for fulfilling my obligations or contributing to my friend’s life. If I think I’d like to change our plans, it is important for me to consider the other person’s needs as well. The only effective way to do this is to ask. “Joan, I know we made plans to go to the movies tonight, but I am beat. Would it be just as fun for you to go tomorrow night?”

It is important to only do things that bring us joy. It is just as important to value everyone’s needs equally. The minute we value our needs more than others’, we erect walls in our relationships.

Be aware of times when you value your own needs more than other people’s today, and choose a different approach that values them equally.

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