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What You'll Find in This Month's Newsletter:
The Heart of Parenting: Nonviolent Communication in Action
Hurtful Words Are Based on
No Argument About Fair Play
Several Articles on a Variety of Subjects From Bay NVC
Culture of Empathy Builder: Thich Nhat Hanh
Quotes by Marshall Rosenberg
Compassion in Action - This Is The
Power Of Kindness, And Why We All Should Spread It, By Tony Fahkry
Everything's Gonna Be Alright
Almost NVC Cartoon - New Trends in NVC
NVC Facebook and Yahoo! Groups
We have been offering monthly book specials (up to 75% off) for years. We have decided to discontinue this practice as it costs us more time and money to offer these than we make. We need to focus our limited energies on new books and booklets for Spring 2019 and
Fall 2019. Our regular specials which still have special low prices are on our website at www.nonviolentcommunication.com/store.
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"Don't end on a don't want."
~ Marshall Rosenberg
The Heart of Parenting: Nonviolent Communication in Action
Nonviolent Communication allows us to shift our thinking from good and bad judgments to heartfelt connection with ourselves and our children through focusing on the universal human needs we are both seeking to
"She drives me mad when she won’t tidy her room." Frustration and anger are common when our kids either do things we don't like, or fail to behave in ways we want them to.
Often we respond with judgments, "She’s so stubborn," or, "I’m such a failure as a parent." We deal with our feelings by using labels, blame, criticism, and diagnosis. But the problem is that judging our children and believing what they "should" be doing lead us to feel angry. Judging ourselves instead, then guilt, shame and depression result. Feeling hopeless about our children’s desire to
cooperate, we try to motivate and coerce them with punishments or rewards.
Thinking and communicating this way is part of the Domination model. Families, schools, workplaces, relationships, and politics run on this system. Hierarchical power relationships and unequal privileges abound. People (particularly children)
are viewed as inherently selfish.
"When people need empathy the most, they're likely to ask for it in the way they're least likely to receive."
Hurtful Words Are Based on Judgments
All couples have disagreements, but not all couples have the skills to handle them well. Research suggests that the best indicator of divorce has to do with how couples speak to each other. When couples use judgmental and
blaming language, their relationship is threatened. Without the skills to use words respectfully, even the smallest disagreements can block the intimacy and trust that couples need to succeed.
As a relationship coach working with couples, I’ve seen how ineffective communication patterns can keep even the best-intentioned partners from having the relationships they
desire. Fortunately, I’ve also seen how the wisdom of Compassionate (nonviolent) Communication, the framework that guides my coaching, helps couples develop new approaches – with new language – to bolster their relationships.
First, I invite couples to commit to stopping their destructive communication pattern. For some couples, this pattern includes loud
“fights” that threaten to wake up the household and the neighborhood. Other couples have the opposite pattern in which one or both parties withdraw and avoid the issue. Both patterns include language that leaves one or both parties dissatisfied with the outcome of the interaction and usually fails to bring resolution. This dissatisfaction breeds resentment ...
FROM the Parliament House to your house, arguing is a national pastime. Non-violent Communication is a system that helps resolve arguments peacefully.
Arguing can be like being on a faulty telephone line: you say one
thing, the other person hears another, there is a lot of static and miscommunication, and before you know it, you’re hanging up in an icy silence.
However, Non-violent Communication aims to change the way we relate to each other.
"The way most people have learned to communicate is not very effective in resolving conflict and getting our needs met," says Dorset Campbell-Ross, an NVC trainer.
"The ideal of NVC is to get your own needs met, while also meeting someone else’s needs.” In simple terms, the NVC system offers a resolution to arguments, where everyone ends up feeling like a winner.
NVC was founded by clinical psychologist Dr Marshall Rosenberg, whose desire to provide an alternative to the racially motivated violence he saw growing up in Detroit,
Michigan, drove him to create an entirely new system of conflict resolution.
Thich Nhat Hanh on Compassionate Listening - Oprah Winfrey Network
Thích Nhất Hạnh is a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist. He lives in the Plum Village Monastery in the Dordogne region in the South of France, travelling internationally to give retreats and
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says listening can help end the suffering of an individual, put an end to war and change the world for the better. Watch as he explains how to practice compassionate listening ...
Oprah: The case is the same for deep listening, which I've heard you refer to.
Thich Nhat Hanh: Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart. Even if he says things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassion. Because you know that listening like that, you give that person a
chance to suffer less. If you want to help him to correct his perception, you wait for another time. For now, you don't interrupt. You don't argue. If you do, he loses his chance. You just listen with compassion and help him to suffer less. One hour like that can bring transformation and healing.
"It's not about right or wrong - did it serve both people's needs."
Compassion in Action
This Is the
Power of Kindness, And Why We All Should Spread It, By Tony Fahkry
Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” — Desmond Tutu
Wired For Kindness
Can you recall a time somebody was kind to you?
Now change the scenario and think of a time you were kind to another person? Call to mind their reaction and how you responded.
Move into your heart and notice the feelings there.
If you read no further than this point, you know that kindness affects the user and the experiencer – leaving a lasting impression.
In this fast pace world, kindness and compassion takes a back seat to selfies, self-interest and expendable human interactions.
Every person is waiting to be discovered or become rich, believing that holds the key to their happiness. Yet when they attain success, they long for their former life having underestimated the trappings of fame and celebrity.
I enjoy this quote by Professor of
Environmental Studies and Politics, David W. Orr:
"The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these
qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it."