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Issue 3.2 • 1st Quarter 2006
Issue Theme: Spirituality and Mindfulness

NVC Quick Connect is a joint publication of PuddleDancer
Press and the Center for Nonviolent Communication

What is the Nonviolent Communication^SM Process?

Learn more about the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process including an outline of the 4-Part Process, Feelings and Needs We All Have, Key Facts About NVC, and the Life-Changing Benefits of NVC.

Explore the 140+ page website of the Center for Nonviolent Communication which includes  a wealth of articles, sound bytes, and other learning resources as well as opportunities to get involved.

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Feature Stories

From Prisoner to Peacemaker:

A Conversation with Dow Gordon of the Freedom Project

by Tiffany Meyer, PuddleDancer Press

Serving a 10-year sentence for heroin trafficking, Dow Gordon was a self-described career criminal with a long arrest record and an external toughness that screamed of self-protection. Little did he know that the Nonviolent Communication course he would attend back in 1999—attended, he admits, as an act of rebellion in a system of walls and bars—would subsequently transform his life.  

Dow Gordon is the Prison Program Manager for the Seattle, Washington based Freedom Project, turning prisoners into peacemakers through Nonviolent Communication and Mindfulness training for inmates and returnees. The conversation below describes his story and how he became involved with this now internationally recognized inmate rehabilitation program.

Q: Describe for me how you came connected with mindfulness practice.

 

DG:  I was what you’d call a career criminal, in prison in 1995, serving a 10-year sentence for heroin trafficking. The life I knew then was one only of intensity; the submit or rebel world where I knew of very few choices for surviving or living my life. So I chose to be a criminal, to live as far outside of the mainstream as I could. I chose again, again and again to fight instead of to take it. What fueled my life back then was the energy of anger—I had enormous anger in my heart.

I wish I could say that I purposely sought out something like NVC and mindfulness, but it didn’t happen that way. It was by a really great fortune that I came to study mindfulness. I learned and practiced it honestly as an act of rebellion. I was trying to find some choice in a world where I was powerless. I thought, well, they can’t stop me from sitting on a rolled-up blanket, can they? I began studying mindfulness mostly through books because I wanted to express my freedom of choice. I didn’t set out to change my life. I didn’t have any spiritual convictions or connections—spiritual connection came to me.

Q: You say spiritual connection came to you. What kind of impact has mindfulness practice had for you, emotionally or spiritually?

DG: If I had been a Christian, I would express it as I opened a door a crack and God reached out and touched me. I wanted a way to express myself. See, I wasn’t scared of being in prison, it was just part of my life.

Q: When was the connection made between mindfulness and studying Nonviolent Communication?

DG: In 1999, when he was in a prison camp, Rusty Thomas (another prisoner) said I might get a lot out of the NVC class he’d been to. So, I went to the workshop with Lucy Leu.

Q: And what was that class like for you?

DG:  In that class, I was seen in a different way than anyone had seen me before. I was seen as a human being. Over a couple of years of taking NVC classes, what I came to understand is that all it ever invited me to do, the only thing NVC ever really wanted from me was for me to live by my heart and what I really value in life. Through the space of safety and acceptance that NVC creates, I was constantly invited to that deep authenticity and genuiness. NVC invited me to be who I really was, rather than who I thought I was. See, I thought I was a tough guy, a bad ass, a rebel. And I’d spent a lot of time—my entire life, really—proving that was true as a strategy for protection and reassurance.

Before I began studying and practicing NVC and mindfulness, I was constantly scared. I thought the best thing I could do to protect myself was live with a pistol in my back pocket. And now I realize that was the only way I knew how to be safe. I recognize now that for the 25 years I carried a pistol in the back of my pants to feel safe, and I never really felt safe.

What’s the difference? I got connected to what’s really alive in me—joy, love, connection to the community, people who love me for who I am, not what I can do.

Q: Since that first class, how did you come to be so involved in the Freedom Project?

DG:  In 2001, I got out of prison. I had a plan. I was in work-release and I realized that my plan would quite likely lead me right back to the life I didn’t want to live. I was asked to join the Freedom Project when I was still in the prison (the project had just really begun to form). So when I got out, I went to work release, and I recognized I was desperately missing the quality of connection I’d begun to develop with people while studying mindfulness and NVC. In those days, returnees who’d studied with the Freedom Project couldn’t be contacted by Freedom Project trainers who had worked in the prisons. So as soon as I got out of work release, I contacted the Freedom Project and got back involved. I got out of prison and immediately began working with the Freedom Project.

I wanted to live my life in a way my heart called me to. So I attached myself to the Freedom Project people I knew. I never quit growing.  My only intention is to inspire other inmates to empower themselves. I can’t do it for them.

NVC and mindfulness have enormously altered the course of my life and who I am.

Q: For those of us who are unfamiliar with mindfulness, please explain its relationship to NVC.

DG: Mindfulness practice or self-awareness practice describes a state of being where we are aware as individuals of what is really going on in ourselves in that instant in time.

It’s a Buddhist practice, but it’s not specific to Buddhism. I believe every spiritual practice parallels this practice.

Mindfulness allows us to cultivate and strengthen our ability to stop, slow down, and check in with what’s alive in our hearts. The Freedom Project is convinced that if we do that, and to the degree that we do that, we’re much more likely to make life-serving choices. That’s because we’re more closely connected with, and more in harmony with, what is human, and parallel to that part of you that is human. Mindfulness allows us to develop this interior “space to be" (Eckhart Tolle) as a space to be human, to clear ourselves out, let go, and create a space to fully listen and be present to you.

Q: What makes mindfulness training effective for prison inmates, specifically?

DG: I believe, and it’s my experience working with prisoners (in Seattle and in other places), that prisoners live mostly from that reactive state of mind where before I knew it, my fist was in his face, or the knife flew out of my hand. In other words, prisoners are not very skilled at creating that space between reaction and true action (that action that comes from continuous, aware choice).

I’ve never met a prisoner that got up in the morning of whatever crime they are in prison for, and thought to themselves, ok, who can I hurt today?  They simple could not step out of that reactive mind.

Q: How does this relate to what our justice system terms a premeditative crime

DG: If we look at a pre-planned murder, for example, it’s premeditated because I’m trapped in that reactive mind. The only way I think I can keep myself safe is to kill you.

If we can invite prisoners to move to that place where they are open to the possibility of making choices; away from mental prisons, habit energy, conditioning, the outcome will be vastly different.

Inmates or prisoners are particularly receptive to making the connection between how they act and the mental prison that motivates that act because they know directly by their own experience the reality of the razer wire, concrete and steel places we put them in. It is sometimes easier for prisoners to make that jump to the concept of conditioning or what mental prisons are because they’ve experienced the physical reality of a prison.

Q: The Freedom Project training is categorized as an inmate rehabilitation program. How does the term rehabilitation fit with the NVC consciousness?

DG: In the prison system it is called rehabilitation. To the participants and as we describe the training to other people, we don’t call it rehabilitation. We invite prisoners into it, to empower themselves.

Within the prisons, there are many spiritual programs, and there are many mandatory programs and sentence stipulations that require things like anger management, or drug rehab.

The difference with the Freedom Project is that we invite them to attend, we never require it. We strongly believe that if they come from a place of choice they are much more likely to change.

I absolutely do not want to be heard as believing that other classes are not good, but I do believe we are more effective if we come to them from a place of choice. The Freedom project has always insisted that prisons do not make our programs mandatory.

Q: When inmates come to their first NVC class, how do you create that space you described, of absolute acceptance? And how do you keep the group from thinking "this is just touchy feely crap”?

DG: Often when people come into the program they’re coming from a reactive mind—that’s their only reality. They tend to be suspicious and closed.

I invite them to think about something that’s really important to them. And then we might write all of those up on a board and come back to them later. We also see that in prisons that a lot of men say “I need more respect.” That they really want to be seen as human.

The Freedom Project trainers constantly try to create an energy in our training circles where prisoners feel safe to express who they really are. NVC is a map to get from our heads to our hearts. We don’t want prisoners to be “good little NVC’ers,” following the model exactly—that’s not the point. We want them to see the process as a tool to get connected to their own essential humanness.

Another strategy we use, is we are open and honest ourselves. We reject the hierarchical world or idea that we’re trying to save them and we have the answer.

Q: How do inmates come into the program? Do they volunteer? Are they selected?  Is there a limit to how many people can be trained?  What are these limits?

DG: Usually with sign up sheets, with a cap on each class (20-25) at any one time for a 2-3 day workshop or a class. Because space is at a premium in the prison.

We’ve been asked by the department of corrections to work in the other prisons around Washington state. The biggest barrier to fulfilling this request is the number and availability of the skilled trainers we have (primary trainers) who can actually lead a workshop. Not everyone wants to train this group of people — it can be pretty darn scary and intimidating. So beyond being very skilled to lead NVC training, we also need them to be skilled with training this particular population and all of the challenges that go with it.

Q: What is the Freedom Project team doing to measure the success of this program?

DG: We’re in the process of developing success measures for the impact of the program in the prison and with returnees. We’re now exploring what kind of data is recorded with department of corrections and what data they’d be willing to give us. We want to measure the average percentage of change on the number of infractions. And, we’re developing a questionnaire at the beginning of their first intro to NVC and then retest at end of 6-12 months later to stratify results.

Q: Are there specific barriers preventing this program from being incorporated into all prisons?

DG: Our two biggest barriers are funding and the availability of skilled trainers. All of our current funding comes from donations and we need additional funding to expand our programs and provide training to build our trainer pool.

Another barrier is the us versus them mentality that is so prevalent in our culture. Most of our culture still believes that the best thing to do for criminals is to lock them up and throw away the key. A big part of that mindset is manifested by a corrections system that doesn’t address the root of violent behavior as NVC does. But in the meantime, between now and when we’re actively measuring the impact our program is having in the prison, and in reducing recidivism overall, this cultural mentality is a tough thing to overcome. 

To learn more about the Freedom Project, contact us today at:

P.O. Box 22021 • Seattle, WA 98122

Email:  freedom_project@hotmail.com

www.freedom-project.org

 

Marshall Rosenberg Awarded Global Village Foundation Nonviolence Award

In the company of spiritual visionary Thich Nhat Hanh, and co-host academy award winning director Oliver Stone, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg will receive the Global Village Foundation 2006 Nonviolence Award on March 25 in Los Angeles, California.

The awards are presented each year to honor outstanding peacemakers, humanitarians, and advocates of nonviolence, reconciliation and compassionate action to heal the wounds of war. 

Past recipients of the Bridge of Peace Awards have included: Senators John McCain and John Kerry; film director Oliver Stone (Platoon, Heaven & Earth, WTC); Vietnam Veteran and author Ron Kovic (Born on the Fourth of July); Maya Lin, architect of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial - "The Wall"; Peace Boat of Japan; Sister Shamshad Sheikh; and many others.

“These honorees are bringing us a message of peace, justice, reconciliation and healing.  But it is more than a message.  It is a reality that we must create today if we are to survive together on this planet,” says Awards host and Global Village founder Le Ly Hayslip, who grew up in the midst of the Vietnam war and experienced firsthand the devastation and suffering of war.

The Awards will be presented March 25th at the Sheraton Gateway Hotel in Los Angeles at a benefit event co-hosted by Academy Award winning director Oliver Stone (Platoon, Born on the Fourth of July) and GVF founder Le Ly Hayslip, author of When Heaven and Earth Changed Places.

In addition to the Award honorees, other participants in the ceremonies will include Michael Nagler, founder of the Peace and Conflict Studies Dept. of UC Berkeley and author of Is There No Other Way: The Search for a Nonviolent Future; representatives of Peace Boat of Japan, an ocean-liner that circumnavigates the globe, educating young people from around the world in peace studies and nonviolence, and involving them in humanitarian projects in developing countries; Claude Anshin Thomas, Vietnam veteran and Buddhist monk, author of At the Gates of Hell chronicling his journey to Vietnam, his addiction and homelessness, and his eventual ordination as a Soto Buddhist monk.

Proceeds from the event will go to Global Village Foundation's Mobile Libraries Education Project, which will provide portable libraries and teacher literacy training to dozens of rural schools in Vietnam, and also to orphans of the South Asia tsunami in South Asia. 

The 2006 Bridge of Peace Awards Gala includes a VIP reception with co-host Oliver Stone, Le Ly Hayslip, and Honorees; gala dinner; and Awards Ceremony, highlighted by excerpts from a new documentary film about Le Ly Hayslip and the Global Village Foundation. For more information about the Global Village Foundation, visit their website at http://www.globalvillagefoundation.org

Recipients of the 2006 Global Village Foundation Awards include:

Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D.—Nonviolence Award

Author of Nonviolent Communication, Dr. Rosenberg has spent a lifetime mediating conflict around the world, and teaching nonviolent conflict resolution.  www.cnvc.org

Thich Nhat Hanh—Bridge of Peace Award

Vietnamese Buddhist monk, author, poet and peacemaker nominated by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for the Nobel Peace Prize.

www.plumvillage.org

Ambassador Pete Peterson—Humanitarian Service Award

Former POW, Vietnam Veteran, and first U.S. Ambassador to Vietnam following the war. Subject of the PBS documentary Assignment Hanoi. www.pbs.org/hanoi/

Marla Ruzicka (posthumously) and CIVIC Worldwide (Campaign for Innocent Victims in Conflict)—Global Peace and Justice Award

The force behind the creation of a Congressional fund providing over $25 million to families of Iraqi and Afghan civilian war casualties, Marla was killed last year by a car bomb while visiting families of civilian victims.  www.civicworldwide.org

Dr. Waqar Al-Kubaisy—Courage Award

Professor of Epidemiology and Vice President Iraqi Community and Public Health Society, Dr. Kubaisy has helped bring much needed medical aid to civilian populations in devastated areas of Iraq.

 

Practicing Peace: The Language of Liberation

by Christine King, CNVC certified trainer

Sitting on my cushion before sunrise, I listen to the Pacific Ocean breaking against the shore and seals barking the day awake. The seashore is a constant reminder of the emotions coursing through me. I observe my breath. Thoughts arise, thoughts pass, no attachment, no clinging. I am the embodiment of calm, a peaceful Boddhisattva, at one with my zafu during that special time of transition when it is neither day nor night, and the spirit world reveals itself.

And then day breaks and chaos takes over. The peaceful Pacific is replaced by the cacophony of cars that buzz outside my window, and my peace of mind evaporates. The dog needs walking, breakfast needs cooking, children need to get to school and parents to work. The phone rings and the world intrudes. I wonder what happened. It was all so simple and easy on the cushion. This is not a recent phenomena; rather, it’s a dilemma that has dogged me for over 25 years whenever I have re-entered the world from meditation and attempted to continue being present with an open heart, moment-to-moment awareness.

It was my son who helped me bridge the gap between practice and life. As a teenager, he wrecked more than one car, experimented with all of the temptations that a California beach city offers, dropped out of school, quit his job, and bummed around the state—living in trees, churches and abandoned barns. In the midst of those events, I was an emotional wreck. I kept telling myself if only he would wake up, grow up and wise up, then I wouldn’t suffer anymore. We tried therapy for several of his teen years, but eventually he would refuse to go after it became abundantly clear the therapists were biased toward my husband and me.

In the midst of my despair, I was asked to attend an in-service training along with the other staff and faculty at the Santa Cruz Waldorf School. The training was called Nonviolent Communication.

The weekend before the class, I stayed up half the night reading Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. While most of the book resonated with by Buddhist training and beliefs, I wondered if I could apply those four simple communication steps: Observation, Feelings, Needs and Requests. It seemed so canned and mechanistic. Wouldn’t others see through the fact that I was following a speaking formula? The trainer, Jean Morrison, was skilled and adept at using the language and made it seem so simple. But my judging mind was getting in the way. Jean used stuffed animal puppets. I told myself “she doesn’t realize we use only natural toys in Waldorf Schools.” I also kept thinking, “using mechanistic language would block true heart-to-heart communication.” Yet desperate for any tool to help me better connect with my son, I persevered.

At first, I would practice NVC in the sauna at the gym, where people are surprisingly open about their lives. It took a lot of presence to remember the NVC components: a combination of both cerebral work (remembering the steps of the process), and heart work (as the process itself moves your from your intellectual mind to your heart). But I was getting results. People were responding, and I learned that what Marshall Rosenberg says is true: sometimes when someone speaks, it’s just the tip of the iceberg. If we show empathy, they begin to reveal more of the iceberg. Before we know it, we’re learning that this person never felt they were good enough in their parent’s eyes and have spent their entire adult life trying to prove they are worthy. Witnessing this process, I learned something very important: I don’t have to fix anything, give advice, console, agree, or even sympathize.

The mere act of being present, getting in touch with feelings and needs, has tremendous possibility for spiritual growth and transformation. Thich Naht Hanh calls this deep listening. Recently, I had the opportunity to go even deeper with this work at several week-long NVC retreats.

Many of the attendees had spiritual practices and a lot of silence was used during the training. In our morning empathy circles, I was privileged to once again witness transformation as individuals would share what appeared to be a conflict in their lives. Once we got down to the basic human needs (understanding, peace, cooperation, appreciation, love), we discovered the apparent discord was really just different strategies to fulfill the same need. When this understanding resonated with the speaker, something shifted, and there was an ah-ha cathartic moment. As I witnessed others touching their suffering, my pain diminished as well. I came to the realization that empathy has the power to heal both the speaker and the witnesses. Empathy is the practice of peace. Nonviolent Communication is the wise or mindful speech I have been missing in my life. The deeper I experience and enjoy using the NVC process, the more it complements my sitting practice and the more I am able to be empty, be present, and connect empathically with my family and friends. One of the strongest connections I see between the two practices of meditation and the NVC process, is the idea of pure observation.

If I can observe without moralistic judgment and evaluation, then I can see clearly into the nature of things.

When I use my judging mind, I am no longer objective and there is disconnect. And when I am in touch with feelings and needs, there is connection. Emotions are impermanent, constantly changing, and thus freedom of choice arises at every moment. I have a choice to look for the need behind an emotion, or simply observe it, as it arises and subsides.

Meditation has given me the mental clarity to see that other people’s anger and frustration has nothing to do with me. Through studying and practicing the NVC process, I have learned that their anger is an expression of unfulfilled needs. Through the practice of empathy, I can serve others in helping them to discover the cause of their suffering. I can join them in a dance of discovery and not be intimidated or upset by their anger. And I’ve learned there is really only one war that I have control over, the war that goes on inside of me every day. When I use self-empathy and stay aware of my feelings and needs, I am more at ease with myself and able to share that peace with others. Mahatmas Gandhi once said, “be the change you want to see in the world.” This is what NVC offers.

My son is now 20 years old and living in La Paz, Mexico. When he realized I had no more demands or expectations for him to attend college or get a job, he took the first bus to San Diego and followed his heart to warmer climates. His Spanish is almost perfect now and he sends us hand-painted post cards. His voice on the telephone is joyful and contented. He’s talking about coming home for the holidays and re-enrolling in the community college for the spring semester. Whatever he decides, it will be his decision to choose his path without guilt, demands, or expectations from me. I am deeply grateful to him for being the catalyst that helped me touch my own suffering and healing—and discover how to actively practice peace moment-to-moment.

Christine King, credentialed teacher and certified trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication, is passionate about meditation and NVC. She experiences the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process as the bridge between her meditation practice and social action work. She is also pursuing the application of the NVC process to issues of addiction and mental illness. Christine has taught NVC in schools, jail, universities, adult school, and privately. She lives in Santa Cruz, California (USA) and has joined CNVC certified trainers Kelly Bryson and Jean Morrison to create the local center, NVC Santa Cruz. She can be reached at: cking@baymoon.com

World News

 

NVC Training Moves to Bolivia for First Time

Twenty-five members of several regional development services in Bolivia recently received the country’s first organized Nonviolent Communication training series. The 15-day training session took place in the chaotic, informal capital of La Paz.

CNVC certified trainer, Markus Sikor was invited by a German development service and local organizer, Regine Lübben-Chambi, to conduct the intensive. Several members of the group expressed their hope to integrate NVC into their daily work. Ike Ferran, a social worker in a La Paz youth prison, plans to bring NVC to their teacher training. Donato, ex-secretary for education in Bolivia, plans to use NVC in his courses at the University of La Paz.

Nearly all participants of the intensive are directly or indirectly working in the field of peacemaking and development and they expressed their deep gratitude to have now a nonviolent tool to foster their vision of a more just and peaceful Bolivia.

“The learning (during this intensive) was immeasurable for us, and we are deeply grateful for this experience,” said CNVC certified trainer Markus Sikor. We would especially like to express our gratitude to Regine Lübben-Chambi, organizer of this training. She is not only highly committed to NVC but furthermore founded the first Bolivian NVC-group in La Paz!”

 

San Quentin Prison Receives Ongoing NVC Training

Summer Prison Trainer Intensive Now Enrolling

Since 2002, trainers from the BayNVC Safer Communities Program have been offering weekly Nonviolent Communication (NVC) classes in San Quentin State Prison. While the program started with just five instructors on one weekly class, strong interest from inmates has since grown the program to 15 trainers teaching 12 classes serving 120 men and women each week.

In addition to San Quentin, the Safer Communities Program now offers NVC classes in the Sonoma County and Santa Cruz County Jails. The program continues to grow and is in need of additional skilled trainers and financial support to continue to expand.

“We are excited to support those wanting skill and experience in teaching inside the prisons,” said Safer Communities Program coordinator and CNVC certified trainer Fred Sly.

NVC instructors in the San Francisco Bay Area that are interested can observe classes for a three-month session. Then, if all agree, the trainers are welcomed to join the Safer Communities teaching team.

“Additionally, this summer we plan to offer a week-long training for those wanting to take skills and experience home with them,” said Fred.

This training will include a day-long visit to San Quentin State Prison with active participation in classes there, and will include presentations from the current warden of San Quentin, the director of the Insight Prison Project, and others.  

For more information about participating on the Safer Communities teaching team, our program, and/or the training described above, please contact Fred Sly, Coordinator of the Safer Communities Program at BayNVC 1-510-433-0700 or fsly@pacific.net.

 

U.S. Department of Peace Activists Receive Monthly NVC Support Call

Activists working for the creation of a U.S. Department of Peace are now equipped with practical tools to stay compassionate during challenging encounters, thanks to monthly Nonviolent Communication (NVC) based conference calls hosted by CNVC certified trainer Miki Kashtan. The calls, typically attended by 40-50 activists, help volunteers align themselves in their work with the very values a formal Department of Peace would support.

Some of the activists are already using NVC in their work, but for most participants, these calls are their very first and often only exposure to NVC. The mixture of empathy, coaching, suggested strategies, and discussion of core principles and intentions Miki uses on these calls has inspired many activists to pursue NVC training, and many more to experience renewed energy, hope, and meaning in their work. Just 90-minutes each month on a phone call have created a noticeable shift in the culture and effectiveness activists around the country experience. As a result, organizers of regional and even international conferences for department of peace initiatives are now seeking to establish NVC presence in their conferences.

Participants are encouraged to bring situations to the call that were challenging for them, such as encounters with representatives who oppose the proposed legislation; interactions with neighbors and acquaintances who espouse different views; or even conflicts amongst the activists themselves.

“I start by empathically connecting with the person who expressed the challenge and help them identify and ‘rest in’ their own needs,” said Miki. “I’m seeing participants really understand that when they can connect with someone from a foundation of clarity within their own vision and needs, that gives them tremendous energy and power in this work.”

Once participants have the relief and clarity offered by the empathy, they and the group are asked to identify the feelings the representative had in the moment, what they might want, or what matters most to them.

“I might ask, ‘what’s the dream that this person has?’” said Miki. “The process has been incredibly successful in supporting people to see our human commonality. One person told me, ‘before (this person) was my enemy, an obstacle. Now he is my brother.’ “  

For more information about the monthly NVC support calls, please contact Miki Kashtan, or visit the U.S. Department of Peace Campaign website.

 

Training Partnership Supports Peacemaking in Israel and Palestine

by Gabi Reshef and Shiri Barr, for Middleway.

“ . . . the integrity and authenticity of even small actions makes waves that spread, changing hearts and minds in unknown ways.”

Dr. Stephen Fulder, founder, Middleway.

It is Friday morning, just a couple of hours before our listening circles facilitators training is due to begin. The phone rings and my co-organizer tells me that the 13 Palestinians we have invited to join the workshop, and spent hours on the phone with the army to organize their permits to enter Israel, will be 1-2 hours late, because they want to attend the Friday prayer. All my inner-peace training did not help at that moment and I actually felt angry, frustrated. With them—“but we’ve told them two weeks ago about the day and time, why didn’t they tell us that it didn’t fit their timetable? We could have changed it.” and with myself—“I’ve been working in multicultural settings for a few years now, and yet I did not see the needs of the other party.”

This story gives the background to a beautiful partnership now evolving between Middleway and Hagit Lifshitz, an educational and organizational consultant and NVC facilitator. But first, a few words about the organization and the work we do.

Middleway is a volunteer-based nonprofit, non-political grassroots organization, and among the few in the region that advocates completely nonviolent peace activism engaged with spiritual practice.

During the the escalating intifada in 2002, we started with an eight-day silent peace walk to Jerusalem, as living testimony for the possibility of peace, reconciliation, and co-existence. Since then many peace walks have taken place all over Israel and the Palestinian Territories. We have brought together hundreds of Jews, Arabs and others. Following each walk, the participants practice deep and compassionate listening in small circles following spiritual teachings such as Tich Nhat Hann’s Dharma discussions and Council.

Recently we decided to take a further step and adopt the Palestinian village named Bartaa-East. The new separation wall between this village and the rest of the Palestinian territories stops people from coming and going freely for their daily needs, such as education, health services, places of work, commerce etc.

Gradually we realized that we need more effective communication skills to help us build a strong partnership between Middleway and the local people, based on mutual trust, good will, and deep understanding of each other’s needs, abilities and limitations.

We invited Hagit Lifshitz to give us an introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) during one of our peace walks. Personally I grew fond of the Giraffe and the Jackal metaphors and was eager to introduce them—and the special approach to life they represented—to more of my friends in Middleway. I could recognize the importance of this purposeful listening and expression, a valuable addition to the toolbox of spiritual skills we were building through our peacemaking efforts.    

Later, we invited Hagit to give us an Arab-Jewish, Israeli-Palestinian NVC workshop, as a preparation for the Bartaa-East project.

As a true teacher, learning with Hagit has proved to be an ongoing process—from the initial stages of the planning to the feedback following the workshop. Gentle but uncompromising, Hagit helped us be aware and fully express our observations (as opposed to our automatic evaluations and moralistic judgments), our feelings (as opposed to our thoughts), our needs and our requests (as apposed to demands). With her guidance, we gradually practiced compassionate and empathic listening, especially in difficult conflict situations. We now are much more aware not only of our Palestinian partners’ needs, but also of our own desire to listen more carefully and deeply to them in this special Giraffe way, and to listen to ourselves first, so we could be available, attentive, empathic and compassionate. 

The workshop was a fascinating, touching and teaching experience. To begin with, Hagit gave us a first hand demonstration, in real time, of what it means to relate and respond empathically and compassionately to the needs of someone you are engaged with. There was little resemblance between the original timetable, which was carefully and mindfully prepared, and the actual flow of the workshop. We felt that Hagit read the actual situation of the group, perceived our immediate needs and acted accordingly.

Talking in three languages, participants brought to the surface their feelings and concerns; the themes were heavy and loaded—Bartaa’s issues in particular, and the whole Israeli-Palestinian conflict in general. And yet, everything moved smoothly, sadness and laughter intertwined, contained within the enthusiasm to learn and absorb this new and exciting approach. Using NVC’s four basic principles, and examples from Middleway’s daily work, Hagit skillfully illuminated what we needed to learn. The highlight of the workshop was, no doubt, a moment during a role-play exercise, when Palestinians and Israelis switched roles, each trying to represent the other’s needs and concerns—a magnificent job!

“My encounter with Middleway was another joyful opportunity to engage my NVC skills with their needs to work for and with the people of Bartaa-East,” said NVC trainer Hagit Lifshitz. “My challenge and need was to help them see how to give from their hearts to the people of Bartaa, yet stay conscious of the other peoples’ hearts too.”

Following this event, we are now planning a second workshop with Hagit, which will be dedicated to the people of Bartaa, aimed at supporting their group-building process, using NVC insights and tools. We also hope to continue the training with Hagit, as we realize the importance of an ongoing learning process of NVC, especially for those who aspire to integrate these tools into their daily life and work.

We believe the tools we received from Hagit will prove very valuable in our joined work in Bartaa and in Israel—in helping to build a truthful and effective partnership between Middleway and local people, and in relation to Bartaa, in communicating the needs of the village to the Army authorities in the region.

As a voluntary organization, we also deeply appreciate the professional relationship, which began to evolve between Hagit Lifshitz and our group.  Working in the field of peacemaking and coexistence it is most valuable to receive both feedback to the work we already do and guidance in the usage of new skills. As we know and continue to learn each day anew.

– There is no way to peace, peace is the way (Tich Nhat Hann).

Hagit Lifshitz is an NVC trainer and the director of Mifgash for Conflict  Transformation. For more information about Middleway, contact Gabi Reshef

 

NVC Community Growing in Spain

After years of local interest, a supporter in Madrid, Spain is seeing his vision of an NVC learning community coming to fruition. With trainers in the area on their way to certification, and practice groups forming, Spain may soon have access to ongoing NVC training and Spanish-translated learning materials.

It was in 2004 when Clemency Gibson attended the first NVC workshop given in Spain by a CNVC certified trainer.
“I have experienced such a thrilling transformation in my life as a result of learning NVC because it fills all the needs

I ever had for spiritual growth,” said Clemency.

Another supporter of NVC has created a Spanish-based website, http://www.comunicacionnoviolenta.org to support the formation of a local learning community. A recent NVC workshop presented by CNVC certified trainer Jorge Rubio of was a great success, drawing in people from around the region. In addition, Marshall Rosenberg’s foundational text, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life will soon be available in Spanish for the first time.

“I’d like to celebrate this news of the start and growth of NVC in Spain, it fills my need for contribution and participation in something I so much believe in,” said Clemency.

 

International Prison Chaplains' Conference Received NVC Training, Books

Forty-five prison chaplains representing 28 countries were presented an introduction to the NVC process last fall by CNVC certified trainer Judi Morin, and gifted Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of life and Lucy Leu's Companion Workbook. This workshop preceded the 2005 International Prison Chaplains Conference.

Judi Morin has been an advocate of NVC training to prison inmates since 1999 when, as the prison’s chaplain, she brought the first NVC program to the William Head Institution in Victoria, British Columbia. Fourteen men signed up for that first course, and the training has been going on ever since.
 
Judi’s work has also sprouted interest and growth of NVC programs in other area prisons. Sister Aldona Ewasko, chaplain at Matsqui Institution in Abbotsford, and Raj Gill have organized NVC inmate training there for the past two years. Programs and training are also growing in Mission, British Columbia, the Kwikwexwelph Institution at Elbow Lake, and will soon begin at Kent Institution in Aggassiz, BC. And, on the east coast, chaplain Craig Murphy has just begun an NVC course at the Dorchester Institution.
 
 “My intention with the book donation and workshop at the international conference was to give the Chaplains a vision of NVC and its potential impact on individual inmates and the communities at large,” said Judi. “I hope they’ll be inspired to introduce NVC to their prison or jurisdiction as a result of this workshop.”
 
The books were donated by PuddleDancer Press as part of their ongoing Book Giveaway Campaign. Since 2003, PuddleDancer Press has donated over 50,000 NVC books to organizations, prisons, decision-makers and individuals in need around the world. This program is supported in part by donations to the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). To ensure the continuation of this program, please make a tax-deductible donation to CNVC, earmarked to the Book Giveaway Campaign at http://www.cnvc.org/en/about-us/contribute/donate-cnvc-offline-or-online

Judi’s work serves a grander vision, beyond the scope of a single prison. “I would love to see NVC training available to all prisoners and staff in Canada and across the world.” Some of the continued barriers to making this dream a reality are: the availability of skilled trainers, financial and educational resources to support those trainers, and access to the prison populations. For more information about NVC prison programs in British Columbia, visit www.bcncc.org

 

NVC Toolkit for Facilitators Under Construction

In response to requests from around the world, Judi Morin, Lucy Leu, and Raj Gill have committed to create a Toolkit to support people conducting NVC training in prisons. Thanks to support from an Esther’s Dream grant from the Sisters of St. Ann, the toolkit is scheduled for completion in 2007.

This new resource will include about 75 activities centered around 18 basic NVC concepts and processes, an instructional DVD, and teaching aids that address a range of learning styles and literacy levels. While the resources and curriculum included in the toolkit are specific to prison life, it will remain flexible enough to adapt to any organization or community.

Although the team grew up in three different countries, they have come together to share a common passion for NVC and prison work.  Judi Morin, a prison chaplain for 24 years, first introduced NVC to Canadian prisons seven years ago. Lucy Leu co-founded the Freedom Project in Seattle, Washington, dedicated to serving prisoners and returnees. Raj Gill runs the first NVC practice program in mainland Canada.  
 
If you’d like to know when the Toolkit is completed, please send your email address to Judi Morin.

Marshall Rosenberg Nominated

for Purpose Prize

Just this past month, PuddleDancer Press nominated Dr. Marshall Rosenberg for the Purpose Prize. Each year, The Purpose Prize awards $100,000 each to five innovators who are taking on society's biggest challenges. Awards will be announced in September 2006 for Americans over the age of 60 with the passion and experience to discover new opportunities, create new programs, and make lasting change. Learn more about the Purpose Prize

 

Publications and Materials

From PDP

Season for Nonviolence Special:

NVC Starter Kit Book Package

Save 50% now through April 30

A great introductory package for individual and group learning. Includes Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, the NVC Companion Workbook, and Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Regular Price: $53.85

Special Price: $25.95

Season for Nonviolence Special:

Peaceful Living

Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion

by Mary Mackenzie

Save 30% now through April 30

Find 366 daily meditations to ground you in the power of compassionate, conscious living.

Regular Price: $15.95

Special Price: $11.85

From CNVC

New CD: The Power We Have to Create the World of Our Choosing
This fun, lively 2005 presentation will delight those new and experienced with a deepening understanding of what is possible when we choose how we will connect.

Price: $12.00  To Order

Get Involved

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At the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), we believe that NVC training is a crucial key to continue building a compassionate, peaceful society. Your tax-deductible donation will help us continue to provide training in some of the most impoverished, violent corners of the world. Peace—not just the cessation of violence—but a true fulfillment of our collective dream, is possible in our lifetime. We gratefully welcome your support. Make Your Donation Now!

Support the NVC Book Giveaway Campaign:

Since 2003, PuddleDancer Press has donated over 50,000 NVC books to organizations, decision-makers and individuals in need around the world. This program is supported in part by donations to the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and by partnerships with like-minded organizations around the world. To ensure the continuation of this program, please make a tax-deductible donation to CNVC, earmarked to the Book Giveaway Campaign at http://www.cnvc.org/en/about-us/contribute/donate-cnvc-offline-or-online